Another letter I won't send.

Hey.
How've you been? The moon reminded me of you. It's been so long since I've heard your voice. All I remember is the mere echo of it. I could say things like, "maybe you don't care." or "I know I'm insignificant to you." but I know that would be mean and unfair. And contrary to popular belief, I despise being mean and unfair. It's just that, I'm hurting and I'm so tired. All the time. It's all these memories. Of us. Of the time when we were happy. They keep catching me off guard. And all I can do is sit through the constant replay of the happy times and try not to fall apart.

Do you remember that one time you called and we were talking about the colour blue? I told you that my mom made momos for dinner and you thought that the momos were blue. I laughed so hard. I remember that other time when we talking and suddenly your mom called you for coffee and I kind of went like, "Um, Happy Coffee!" and you went, "Don't." as I heard you try not to laugh. And there was that time when I had an emotional outburst and wrote a huge message to you about how I felt and how much it hurt when you ignored me and when you replied, I just went, "Well fuck. This is awkward." You called me up almost minutes after that and I kept feeling more and more like an idiot as you explained things to me. You calmed me down, made me laugh, and spoke to me for quite some time, even though you had other commitments. My favourite memory of us (one of them, actually. There are so many!) was that one time we were up late talking on call, and I remember I was staring at my feet as I asked you what you were doing and you said, "Well, I'm currently staring at my feet." I guess my eyes became big as saucers because we just happened to be doing the same thing at the same time. When I told you, I remember you saying, "I guess that's because we're soul mates." and we became really quiet for a few moments...

When I met you, I realized that I had been blind all this time and you, you showed me colour. As I got to know you, a little voice in my heart went, "There you are! I've been looking for you all this time." and over time, this voice became more and more insistent. Like I'd known you, not once but time and time again. I know, trying to be with you is probably the most ill-conceived, irrational, idiotic, stupid, dumb, crazy, insane thing I have ever done in my entire life but I'd rather watch everything burn to hell in your arms than be safe and sound in a world of what's rational and logical. You showed me colour and when you left, it was like being forced to be blind again. I don't want to be blind anymore. I can't be blind anymore...

Honestly, I miss the sound of your voice.
I miss your laugh.
I miss the way you could make me smile without even trying.
I miss you.
I'm tired of the games.
I just want you back.
But this time I won't send you long messages. I won't call you up in the middle of the night. Because I know you well enough to know that if you want to ignore me, you will. I can't keep breaking my heart over and over again. I love you. And I will continue to love you, unconditionally. Till my rational brain manages to convince this irrational little heart of mine that I don't want you anymore (yeah right, like that's gonna happen). And I also know that I won't ever fall in love again (or rather, I can't). Regardless, this is the last message I'm leaving for you. I won't write about you anymore. And even if I do, those writings will never see the light of day.

I love you.
And I am yours.
Till the last breath I take.
Take care, moon-man; don't forget to be happy. :)
Goodbye.
(and miss me maybe.)

Human.

Some days, I'm an enlightened being, contemplating the existence of the Cosmos.
Other days, I'm only human, drowning in a sea of my sorrows.

"She isn't replying."

Him: "She isn't replying."
And just like that, three words tore her heart into irreparable pieces.

Force Of Nature.

He was a force of nature,
With eyes as dark as the night sky that twinkled with their own light.
His smile was like sunshine, spreading hope and warmth through the darkness of my soul.
His skin was like moonlight falling on an icy peak.
His laugh was like the first day of spring.
His lips were soft as freshly bloomed roses.
And his voice was like a summer breeze.
Loving him was like dancing in the rain,
And losing him was like a deathless drowning.
I fell in love with a force of nature,
And that's when I realized how beautiful self-destruction could be.

Empty.

Scrolling through your pictures, I choke back a sob,
I don't know why, but I just can't stop.
Why the hell does it hurt so much?
I haven't even seen your face or felt your touch.
But that doesn't stop the pain from ripping me up inside,
All I want to do is curl up and cry.
I put on a brave face and try to get through the day,
"Who gives a shit?" I fake a laugh and say.
Little do they know that it's killing me,
I hide it from everyone so skillfully.
My heart gives a little squeeze each time I hear your name,
What I wouldn't give, just to hear your voice again.
It's 2 a.m. now and I just can't sleep,
The wounds you left on my heart, they run so deep.
My fingers twitch to send you a text,
Old memories resurface and the tears come next.
You've left me alone with my heart in pieces,
The ease with which you said goodbye, left me shattered and speechless.
I've typed long messages to you, but didn't bother to send them,
Just the way you ended us, I decided to end them.
I'm staring at the moon with an empty heart,
You're gone and once again, I'm falling apart...
~Suchetana.

True love and chicken.

There's something really ridiculous that has recently come to my attention. Teenagers these days keep saying things like, "I'll die for you." while professing their love to the objects of affection.

I don't know what is so romantic about being dead but by that standard, chicken should be the truest love ever! Yeah sure, someone telling you that they'd die for you is cute and all (mostly creepy) but chicken actually died for you. A poor chicken actually sacrificed it's life, so that you could munch on a plate of crispy chicken wings (unless you're a vegetarian, in which case you have no idea what I'm talking about).

So for God's sake, stop equating love to dying for someone. It's not romantic, it's stupid. What's a person gonna do with a dead body? (I am not referring to the necrophiliacs here.)

I mean, seriously, stop being idiots and grow up.

Being cold and dead in a grave will not get you the person you're in love with. Writing long letters to them about how amazing they are, just might. ;)

Okay, bye.

What if?

"All those nights that you stayed awake, crying into your pillow because all you wanted was to be with them; did it ever occur to you,
What if they didn't want to be with you?
What if they'd found someone new?
What if they were never really in love with you?
What if none of it was real and it was all in your head?
You didn't. You know why?
Because you were so blinded by your love for them that you forgot something really important...
You matter too.
So, do everything that is humanly possible for you and then leave them be. If you were ever worth anything to them, they'll come back for you. If they don't, be happy in the knowledge that you tried your best."
-07/07/2016