I love you.

The clock strikes one, the clock strikes two,
I lie awake, waiting for a call from you.
I check my phone and you're online,
I guess I'm not even on your mind.
Such a stupid little girl I must be,
You're probably talking to someone better than me.
I close my eyes and try to sleep,
But the sound of your voice still haunts me.
I check my phone again, and you still haven't replied,
I feel so numb, it's like all my emotions have died.
I read all our messages over and over again,
Why do I subject myself to so much unnecessary pain?
I wonder if thoughts of me haunt you in the middle of the night,
Because being with you was the only thing that ever felt right.
You ripped off my armour and stole my heart,
Then distance slowly pushed us apart.
I laugh at the irony of it all,
The one who swore off love was the one to fall.
I want you to say you love me,
If you don't, then lie to me.
There's no comfort in truth,
The only comfort I find is when I'm with you.
It's too late such thoughts now,
I guess I should move on, but I don't seem to know how.
Your name is the only one my heart accepts,
Not that I have any regrets.
Loving you was the best decision I ever made,
And given another chance, I would do it all over again.
I guess​ you've moved on.
And I'm still here all alone.
Nevermind, I hope you're happy,
After all, isn't that what love is?

Waves.

In the dark I felt our passions ignite,
With your lips crashing onto mine,
Like waves against the sandy shore;
You left me breathless, wanting more.

Why I don't text first.

A friend recently asked me why I never text her. I simply shrugged it off and said that I've been busy studying. But that was kind of a lie. It is true that I have been rather busy with my studies off late but to be honest, I always have time to text. I simply choose not to.

Why don't I text first? I do text first. But when I do, I get ignored. And that hurts. It doesn't matter if I'm texting my friends or my crush or anyone for that matter of fact. I get ignored. If I'm lucky, I might get a response but soon enough I get the feeling that I'm being annoying, and I stop talking to that person altogether. I generally don't like talking to people. So, if I voluntarily make an effort to talk to someone, it means that they're pretty fucking special to me. Which makes getting ignored feel even worse.

Imagine talking to someone you're deeply in love with and you feel like they don't actually want to talk to you but they're not willing to say that openly for the sake of being polite. You realize that you're forcing them to talk to you when they actually don't want to. And you realize that they have better people in their lives. And you, you're just not wanted anymore. You're irrelevant to them.

Imagine texting an old friend but they don't have the time to talk to you either. They're busy with their lives and you aren't as important to them as you used to be. It's nobody's fault, but for some reason, you read all the old messages and you wonder what you did wrong. And you torture yourself with the thought that it's your fault. It's always your fault.

Imagine being so fucked up that you consciously don't allow yourself to care about anyone. In fact, letting yourself care about someone is the worst thing imaginable to you. So much so that you slowly start removing yourself from the lives of your loved ones. Little by little, so that they don't notice how you're pushing them away to protect yourself from the pain that comes along with being emotionally attached to another person. It's quite pathetic, to be very honest.

Imagine going through so much emotional shit and not being able to talk to anyone about it. Because you know that no one's going to understand and then you'll regret ever uttering a single word. So, you keep that inside you, till one day, you just explode or have a mental breakdown.

It's really heartbreaking when you feel like you're unwanted by the people you love; when you feel like you shouldn't inflict yourself on your friends. Or, type long messages to the love of your life and then decide to delete them because he's happier without you and you shouldn't bother him with your nonsense.

And this is why I never text first...

I sincerely hope that you have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about and I hope that you've never felt this way.

I hope that you always get instant responses that your texts.

I hope that you don't lie sleepless on your bed at night feeling like you're unwanted and utterly worthless.

I hope you have friends who are always up for long conversations with you.

I hope you have happy and fulfilling relationships.

'Cause just because I can't have something, doesn't mean that you can't either. :')

Bye.

Some nights.

Some nights, she can almost feel the life slipping out of her as the tears stain her pillow,
Other nights, she's too tired to even cry.

Liar.

She said, "I'm so over him."
Her heart whispered, "You're a fucking liar."

Sunshine.

"Imagine you've been held prisoner in a dark cell for so long that you've forgotten what light is. And one day, there's a little crack in the wall of your cell and a ray of light falls through it. The brilliance of the light hurts your eyes at first, but slowly, it becomes the most wonderful thing you've come across in ages. The light becomes your source of comfort, and of your happiness. It's that lone ray of sunshine that keeps you the will to live alive. So when you ask me why I don't move on from him, it's because I can't. I just can't."
- the answer to a question I didn't know how to answer then.

Starving.

We are nothing but starving souls, craving love.

Blurred lines.

They say that there is a fine line
between love and friendship.
But when I'm with you,
That line gets blurrier
With each passing moment...

"New Boyfriend?"

"New boyfriend?", He asked, almost hesitantly.
She laughed, "Why would I willingly do that to myself again?"

Dear Little Butterfly.

As you fled my fragile grasp
And flew away with your soft wings,
You left me stained with your beautiful colours,
A little on my fingers,
And a lot more on my soul...

On Marriage.

Marriage. The general definition of marriage is the union of two individuals for life through certain rites and rituals. For me, it is a hollow and hilarious show in which two idiots gear up to ruin each other's lives forever (or at least till they get divorced).
Yes, as you may have guessed by now, I don't believe in marriage.
Well, that's kind of an inaccurate statement because I do believe in marriage, it's just that I have my own understanding of marriage.
For me, marriage doesn't just entail being with a single person for the rest of my life. It entails my complete and utter trust my partner, and my partner's complete and utter trust in me. So much that we would never have a shred of doubt about the other person's loyalty.
The person that I choose to marry should be someone I simply cannot exist without. Someone whose heart beats to the same rhythm as mine. Someone who makes me fall in love with them, a little more every passing second. Someone who shares their hopes, dreams, secrets and fears with me. Someone who makes me want no one else other than that person. Someone who I can bare my soul to. Someone who makes all the broken pieces inside me become un-broken. Someone who makes me want to be with them for as long as our mortal bodies can survive.
Simply put, my soul mate.
For me, marriage is about waking up in the morning next to the love of my life.
It's trying to train the puppy we adopted to not tear open our pillows but ending up throwing pillow stuffings at each other, laughing our asses off.
It's standing in the kitchen covered in flour and God knows what, trying to cook up some fancy recipe we saw on the internet.
It's compromising and making up after an argument because we can't bear the thought of losing each other.
It's sharing a secret smile as we watch our children play.
It's being 70 years old and walking down a park holding each other's hands.
For me, marriage means forever.
And if I can't have that, I'd rather not have it at all.
Everything I've seen up to this day, has been staunch proof that the kind of marriage I believe doesn't exist anymore, and probably never existed at all.
Which is why, me saying that I would like to marry someone would be a very big deal as it's not something that I would say very lightly or easily.
And funnily enough, my first reaction to someone I'm in love with, asking me to marry them would be to run away (Yes, I would literally just run away), and hyperventilate for an hour before getting back to them.
So what I'm trying to say is that it's unfair to swear eternal love through marriage to someone if you're not absolutely sure. Because if things end badly between the both of you, it's also going to affect people around you, especially your children, if you have any. They're going to grow up cynical and bitter, without any belief in love.
So, live your life. Travel. Learn new things. Fall in love. And when you're absolutely sure, marry the love of your life. :)
That's it for now. Bye.

Pain.

Ever felt pain?
No, I don't mean physical pain.
I mean the pain that radiates from your soul to every part of you like a free-flowing mountain river.
The pain that you do your best to bite back, even though one little push can make you fall apart like a house of cards.
The pain that comes from the knowledge that no one will ever understand exactly how broken you are.
Yet, you're ashamed of feeling this pain because you know that there are people whose sufferings are worse than yours, but that thought provides no comfort when you're helplessly crying into your pillow, unable to stop that ache inside of you.
You try your best every single day, even though you know you're never even gonna come close to being good enough.
Your body wants to live and your mind wants to die. And you're stuck in the middle, barely able to breathe, like someone's put you in liquid oxygen. The liquid that makes you feel like you're drowning, and the oxygen won't let you die.
Ever felt like that?
'Cause that's how I feel every single day.

Hope.

"Maybe hope doesn't really save you.
Maybe all it does is kill you on the inside, slowly."
19/09/2016

Sadness.

"I think the worst kind of sadness is when you know what's making you sad but you don't do anything about it. Probably because you know that it won't fix anything, and that you'll just end up feeling horrible about yourself."
-19/09/2016

A Compulsive Cutter's Letter To The World.

"Hello.
It's been a while. I heard talking about feelings helps. Does it, really? Or is it just another way for people to find out your weaknesses? It doesn't matter, quite frankly. I'm supposed to talk about feelings, and that I shall.
First of all, it's a curse (and not a blessing) to feel everything so deeply. Anyone who tells you otherwise is an idiot. When your emotions are so heightened, you'll always feel like you're mind is tearing itself apart.
You won't be happy, you'll be ecstatic.
You won't be angry, you'll be enraged.
You won't be sad, you'll be miserable.
You won't think, you'll obsess.
When you love someone, you won't just love them, you will adore them with every living cell in your body, even if they treat you like shit.
And when they leave you, you won't just be heartbroken, you'll be devastated.
Tell me, what part of living in extremes sounds like a blessing? Yes, when you're happy, you'll practically be beaming with an almost infectious happiness that will affect the people around you, but that won't happen very often. You'll be sad mostly, and it'll be a sick kind of sadness. Like a pain that starts in your chest and radiates everywhere, from your fingertips to your toes, giving you goosebumps all over. If you're lucky, you'll find the courage to kill yourself, if not, well, then you'd end up like me. And that, is a fate I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not suicidal. But if there was a button that would make me stop existing, I would push it. Before last night, it had been months since I last cut myself. Some might even say I was making good progress, but then again I am quite indifferent to the opinion of people. The razor blade glinted in the dim light, greeting me like an old friend. A bit of rust had formed on it's side, like a silent complaint for being neglected for so long. What do I have to be so upset about? You may ask.
You don't know my story. Neither will you, because I don't care for your sympathies. But if you did, you would weep. For me. With me.
That is all for now. Thank you for your time.
Goodbye."

Another letter I won't send.

Hey.
How've you been? The moon reminded me of you. It's been so long since I've heard your voice. All I remember is the mere echo of it. I could say things like, "maybe you don't care." or "I know I'm insignificant to you." but I know that would be mean and unfair. And contrary to popular belief, I despise being mean and unfair. It's just that, I'm hurting and I'm so tired. All the time. It's all these memories. Of us. Of the time when we were happy. They keep catching me off guard. And all I can do is sit through the constant replay of the happy times and try not to fall apart.

Do you remember that one time you called and we were talking about the colour blue? I told you that my mom made momos for dinner and you thought that the momos were blue. I laughed so hard. I remember that other time when we talking and suddenly your mom called you for coffee and I kind of went like, "Um, Happy Coffee!" and you went, "Don't." as I heard you try not to laugh. And there was that time when I had an emotional outburst and wrote a huge message to you about how I felt and how much it hurt when you ignored me and when you replied, I just went, "Well fuck. This is awkward." You called me up almost minutes after that and I kept feeling more and more like an idiot as you explained things to me. You calmed me down, made me laugh, and spoke to me for quite some time, even though you had other commitments. My favourite memory of us (one of them, actually. There are so many!) was that one time we were up late talking on call, and I remember I was staring at my feet as I asked you what you were doing and you said, "Well, I'm currently staring at my feet." I guess my eyes became big as saucers because we just happened to be doing the same thing at the same time. When I told you, I remember you saying, "I guess that's because we're soul mates." and we became really quiet for a few moments...

When I met you, I realized that I had been blind all this time and you, you showed me colour. As I got to know you, a little voice in my heart went, "There you are! I've been looking for you all this time." and over time, this voice became more and more insistent. Like I'd known you, not once but time and time again. I know, trying to be with you is probably the most ill-conceived, irrational, idiotic, stupid, dumb, crazy, insane thing I have ever done in my entire life but I'd rather watch everything burn to hell in your arms than be safe and sound in a world of what's rational and logical. You showed me colour and when you left, it was like being forced to be blind again. I don't want to be blind anymore. I can't be blind anymore...

Honestly, I miss the sound of your voice.
I miss your laugh.
I miss the way you could make me smile without even trying.
I miss you.
I'm tired of the games.
I just want you back.
But this time I won't send you long messages. I won't call you up in the middle of the night. Because I know you well enough to know that if you want to ignore me, you will. I can't keep breaking my heart over and over again. I love you. And I will continue to love you, unconditionally. Till my rational brain manages to convince this irrational little heart of mine that I don't want you anymore (yeah right, like that's gonna happen). And I also know that I won't ever fall in love again (or rather, I can't). Regardless, this is the last message I'm leaving for you. I won't write about you anymore. And even if I do, those writings will never see the light of day.

I love you.
And I am yours.
Till the last breath I take.
Take care, moon-man; don't forget to be happy. :)
Goodbye.
(and miss me maybe.)

Human.

Some days, I'm an enlightened being, contemplating the existence of the Cosmos.
Other days, I'm only human, drowning in a sea of my sorrows.

"She isn't replying."

Him: "She isn't replying."
And just like that, three words tore her heart into irreparable pieces.

Force Of Nature.

He was a force of nature,
With eyes as dark as the night sky that twinkled with their own light.
His smile was like sunshine, spreading hope and warmth through the darkness of my soul.
His skin was like moonlight falling on an icy peak.
His laugh was like the first day of spring.
His lips were soft as freshly bloomed roses.
And his voice was like a summer breeze.
Loving him was like dancing in the rain,
And losing him was like a deathless drowning.
I fell in love with a force of nature,
And that's when I realized how beautiful self-destruction could be.

Empty.

Scrolling through your pictures, I choke back a sob,
I don't know why, but I just can't stop.
Why the hell does it hurt so much?
I haven't even seen your face or felt your touch.
But that doesn't stop the pain from ripping me up inside,
All I want to do is curl up and cry.
I put on a brave face and try to get through the day,
"Who gives a shit?" I fake a laugh and say.
Little do they know that it's killing me,
I hide it from everyone so skillfully.
My heart gives a little squeeze each time I hear your name,
What I wouldn't give, just to hear your voice again.
It's 2 a.m. now and I just can't sleep,
The wounds you left on my heart, they run so deep.
My fingers twitch to send you a text,
Old memories resurface and the tears come next.
You've left me alone with my heart in pieces,
The ease with which you said goodbye, left me shattered and speechless.
I've typed long messages to you, but didn't bother to send them,
Just the way you ended us, I decided to end them.
I'm staring at the moon with an empty heart,
You're gone and once again, I'm falling apart...
~Suchetana.

True love and chicken.

There's something really ridiculous that has recently come to my attention. Teenagers these days keep saying things like, "I'll die for you." while professing their love to the objects of affection.

I don't know what is so romantic about being dead but by that standard, chicken should be the truest love ever! Yeah sure, someone telling you that they'd die for you is cute and all (mostly creepy) but chicken actually died for you. A poor chicken actually sacrificed it's life, so that you could munch on a plate of crispy chicken wings (unless you're a vegetarian, in which case you have no idea what I'm talking about).

So for God's sake, stop equating love to dying for someone. It's not romantic, it's stupid. What's a person gonna do with a dead body? (I am not referring to the necrophiliacs here.)

I mean, seriously, stop being idiots and grow up.

Being cold and dead in a grave will not get you the person you're in love with. Writing long letters to them about how amazing they are, just might. ;)

Okay, bye.

What if?

"All those nights that you stayed awake, crying into your pillow because all you wanted was to be with them; did it ever occur to you,
What if they didn't want to be with you?
What if they'd found someone new?
What if they were never really in love with you?
What if none of it was real and it was all in your head?
You didn't. You know why?
Because you were so blinded by your love for them that you forgot something really important...
You matter too.
So, do everything that is humanly possible for you and then leave them be. If you were ever worth anything to them, they'll come back for you. If they don't, be happy in the knowledge that you tried your best."
-07/07/2016

To girls everywhere,

The purpose of our lives is not to please the boys we like.

Pretty faces.

A pretty face is worth nothing when all it does is conceal an ugly soul.
- 04/07/2016

You.

You smiled down at me as I opened my eyes. I'd been lying on the soft grass with my head in your lap. You stroked my hair and we began to talk. We talked about random and ordinary things, but somehow I sensed that both of us were holding something back. A certain tension hung in the air, and I knew why. You did too, I could see it on your face. That's when she walked in and started flirting with you. Somehow, it irritated me to no bounds. I grabbed you and pulled you to myself possessively and snapped at her, "Back off. He's mine."
The look on my face must have been terrifying because she turned pale and quickly ran away. I let go and turned to face you and saw you staring at me with an amused expression.
"Yours?" You asked me, with a cheeky grin playing on your lips.
"Uh. Um..." I stammered, as you moved in and wrapped your arms around me, pulling me close. All the tension had just melted away.
"Yours." You said, before leaning in.      
                                            **
I woke up and smiled. Then I remembered. You're still gone. I'm still alone. Still empty. Still waiting for you. Well, part of me is. The other part of me has turned into you, and it keeps on telling me to "grow up". Well, I don't want to...
You know what the worst part is? I'm starting to forget the sound of your voice. You're gone, and I know that I have to accept it but losing what I have left of you is terrifying. You made me human again, and losing you would mean losing what I have left of my humanity. I used to think that it wouldn't be so bad. I wouldn't have to feel anymore, I wouldn't have to care anymore. But my ability to feel makes me who I am, and if I lose that, then I lose myself. When I first started talking to you, I never imagined that you would mean so much to me. I thought that you'd be like all the other silly crushes I had. But something happened. I don't know what or when. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't have to correct your grammar every two sentences (I swear, bad grammar is such a turn off), or maybe it was your lame jokes, or maybe it was how you paid attention to everything I said, or maybe it was so easy for me to bare my soul to you without any fear of ridicule or maybe it was how you knew me better than I knew myself. I don't know. I just know that one morning I woke up and all I could think about was you. And since then, I was yours. Still am. Even though distance keeps us miles apart, not a day goes by when I don't think of how good it would feel to run my fingers through your hair, how good it would feel gaze into those beautiful dark eyes of yours and talk about random things, how good it would feel hug you and feel your heart beating against mine, and particularly about how good it would feel to pull your nose and cover your mouth with my hands when you annoy me. *laughs*
We're, sorry, you and I are stuck in a Schrodinger's cat paradox. The chances of us seeing each other is like the cat in the box and time and distance make up the vial of poison. If the vial breaks, the cat dies, if it doesn't, the cat lives but as long as the box isn't opened we don't know for sure. So as long as the box is closed, the cat is both dead and alive and you are both right and wrong, as am I. The only way to know is to know for sure. Which we don't.
All that aside, I know you've been hurt before. And I know that it's hard for you to trust me. I don't blame you. Even I wouldn't trust me. I'm not going to say that I won't ever leave you, because who knows, I could die tomorrow. But the fact remains that I love you more than anything else. I wish I could say that to you right now. But I'm scared. I keep a distance because I don't want to get hurt. And you have no idea how miserable that is. One part of me types long messages to you and the other part deletes them because it is well aware of how stubborn you can be. Oh yes, you're probably the most obstinate person I know, apart from myself. You know what, scratch that, you're even more stubborn than I am. And it annoys me that I can have my way with everyone, except you. You think you're so complicated but you're not, really. You have the purest soul among all the people I know and you hide that because you're well aware of how the world treats good people. Emotions often make you feel confused and awkward and you try to cover all that up with lame humour. You constantly push people away because it terrifies you when someone gets too close. You're a little strict about staying up late but it's only because you care. And that makes you my favourite person in the whole world.
How ironic it is. I love you so much, yet lack the courage to talk to you anymore. *sigh*
Maybe someday you'll miss me and text me first. Or maybe you won't cause you probably don't care anymore. Whatever. It hurts too much to think about you right now.
Anyway.
Good night.
I love you. Always.

On Bullies And Haters.

We've all faced bullies or haters or both at some point in our lives, if you haven't, either you're incredibly lucky or you were homeschooled or you are one. In which case you'll have no idea what I'm talking about. Being bullied isn't a very pleasant experience. Ask anyone who's been bullied. 'Why the sudden post about bullying?', you must be wondering, if you're a frequent visitor to my page. Well, some people I know (or don't actually, as I've never spoken to one of them) have started this hate campaign against me. It's rather insignificant, much like them, but I don't like all this negative energy that's being continually thrown at me. I could just punch them in the face but why would I want to soil my knuckles with such filth?
I have my theories about why they hate me so much, but I'm not gonna make any statements without conclusive proof (unlike them). It's rather annoying, you know. I mean, it feels like you're being watched and bitched about every single second (and most probably that's what's actually happening). I marvel at the sheer joblessness of these people but also feel kinda flattered at the fact that they spend their breath talking about me. X'D
If you jerks are reading this, which you probably are, since you spend so much time hating me and obsessing over everything I do, I have something to say to you. Get a life, please? If you can't afford one, lemme know, I'll help you out. Cause, you know, I'm a decent person who has better things to do than judge people. Oh, and kindly stop attempting to convince my friends that I'm "bad". They know me better than you ever will. And yes, I might be "fat and weird" but I still have more talent in my pinky toe than all of you combined. Also, didn't your mothers tell you that it's rude to talk about someone behind their back? But then again, I guess it's fitting that you should talk about me behind my back, since that's where you guys belong - 'behind my back'.
How sad and pathetic you all must be. I actually feel sorry for you guys. I look at my best friends and feel so grateful. So, I guess I have you to thank for that. It's when I see you backstabbing, filthy, lying pieces of scum (woah, I just abused alphabetically XD), I have a deeper appreciation for my best friends. I bet there's a special place in in hell reserved for each one of you.
But still, I can understand your jealousy. To quote Meghan Trainor (who, BTW, is amazing <3), "If I was you, I'd wanna be me too." :*
My darling Haters, you may now crawl back into whatever hole you came out of. :)
Okay, bye. :*

The Un-sent Letter.

Hey,

It's been a while. How've you been? How are the applications coming along? I hope you're happy and safe. I miss the sound of your voice but I don't want to bother you. It's okay. I respect your decision. I don't like it one bit but I do respect it. Last couple of months have been hard on us... Sorry, you and me. I am well aware of how you feel (or used to feel) about me and I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for you to do what you did. Especially with me fighting you at each step.  *pauses a moment* I know, distance is a bitch. And I know that the chances of you and me being together aren't exactly astronomical. Or maybe you've just gotten sick of me. It's okay. They all do eventually. I'm fine, really. Well, I'm breathing, and my organs seem functional. Some days, I don't even think about you. Okay, that was a lie. Truth is, everything reminds me of you. I can't listen to love songs anymore, nor can I listen to Eminem. And the fact that your name is synonymous with an incredibly popular franchise doesn't help either. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone, they say something that reminds me of something you said, and the memories hit me like bullets, slowly ripping me up inside.

But hey, at least I didn't cry over you this time. *laughs*

I wish you'd taken the memories with you. The 3 am phone calls, the ridiculous conversations, talking about 'blue momos' and how pineapples suck as pizza toppings (like seriously, pineapples? What sane person does that?). I wish you'd taken all that with you, maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe then I wouldn't have to care or be this upset. I know you're probably not coming back, and maybe you probably don't even care. I wish you'd taught me how to do that. I wish you'd taught me how to just leave someone and pretend like they don't even exist anymore. Maybe then I could finally stop thinking about you.

Sometimes, I dream of you, and each time I wake up, I think of telling you about it, and then I remember. You've left me. And it tears me up inside all over again, every single time. Why did you make me love you if this was how it would end? You know what I've been through. Why would you do this to me? I don't understand. I know you, better than you know yourself, yet somehow, I cannot possibly understand your reasons. I read all our messages, and go over all our conversations over and over again, scrutinizing every single detail, asking myself where I went wrong. Why do I blame myself, you ask? Well, that's because I love you more than anything in this entire universe and I believe that you're never the one at fault, it's always me.

I will always love you, moon-man. Till the last breath leaves my body. But right now, I am giving up the idea that love exists. I am giving up feeling because there's this constant screaming in my head and all I can feel anymore is pain. I can't live like this, love. And you blocking me gave me a very clear message that you don't want me anymore (even though I do, I want you more than anything but I'm never soberly or consciously saying that out loud, again). So, I'm giving up my humanity to keep my sanity.

Regardless, I will always be there for you no matter what. I'll stick with you through thick and thin. When you need me, just let me know. I'll be there, even if it's 2 am or I'm dying. Because that's just how it is when you love someone as much as I love you. I want you to be happy. Even if I'm not the reason for your happiness. If you ever need me, I'm just a phone call or a message away.

I love you, moon-man. Always.

Goodbye (hopefully just for now),
Me.

"It's complicated."

I honestly don't know what's worse,
Loving someone you can't be with,
Or being with someone you can't love.

Oh Death.

Numb.

On Religion.

I remember when I was twelve years old, there was a history class going on at school and we were studying religion. The first thing the teacher asked us was, "What is religion?"
A lot of the kids said, "Praying to God."
The teacher smiled and she said," That was close, but not exactly accurate."
So, all the kids looked really puzzled. Then she said, "To go to the library from the class, how many routes can you take?"
The entire class shouted out numerous answers, and once she could get the class back to decorum, she said, "You can take many routes but the destination remains the same. Religion is similar to that. Religion is a path to God. There are numerous paths, yet the destination is the same."
The reason I recount this particular lesson is because of the rampant religious discrimination that's been going on recently. More specifically the religious discrimination that has been going on in front of me. I've got two friends. Let's call them Ali and Akash. Akash has this filthy habit of using the religious slur, 'k****a', as a way to call Ali. Akash's reason for using that word (despite my several protests) is because Ali makes fun of Akash's father's business. So recently Akash and Ali got into this really ugly fight and at the end of the fight, Ali stormed out of the classroom after saying, "This entire community is like this."
A wave of sudden patriotism towards my community washed over me and I stood up and shouted, "You can't talk about a community like that!"
Ali stormed back into the class and shouted back at me, "Really? Is it your father who calls me a 'k****a'?"
I simply looked at him and said, "Have you ever heard me use that term?"
Ali looked ashamed and said, "That was uncalled for. I am sorry. I am really sorry."
I shook my head and said," It's fine."
He kept apologizing and ended by saying, "I thought I was speaking to a guy." I laughed, and left it at that. But somehow, I couldn't stop thinking about the whole thing. My heart was filled with a strange amount of sympathy for the guy. I tried to imagine the amount of insults and slurs he had to face every single day. And why? Because he is a Muslim. But isn't he a human being? How does following Islam give you any less dignity as a person? And most importantly, how is a Hindu any different from a Muslim? If you prick either, they will bleed. If you tickle either, they will laugh (unless they're not ticklish). And if you poison either, they will die (unless they're Rasputin). I don't claim to be a great scholar on Islam but from what little I have read, I think Islam is beautiful. Islam talks about being compassionate, helping your neighbours, giving alms to the poor and taking pilgrimage. The saddest part about this is that a lot of people are ignorant of the beauty of this religion. All because of a few fanatics who preach distorted versions of this faith. These people have profaned the faith and have missed it's true essence. It also doesn't help when people with political influence (namely someone who's name rhymes with Gonald Frump) say things that are religiously discriminatory and excite separatist and racial sentiments. But let's talk about India for now. All this separatism and religious hate goes back to the time when India used to be a colony. In the Revolt of 1857 (which we all have read and forgotten), leaders like the Rani of Jhansi and Tantia Tope who were Hindus put Bahadur Shah Zafar (who was a Muslim, mind you) on the throne as the Emperor and the Hindus and Muslims were united. Look, I'm not saying that the British specifically ingrained religious hatred and systematically destroyed the unity of the people and corroded any progress society had made but they did have that thing called "The Policy of Divide And Rule".
So what I'm trying to say here is, hate is taught. If you ask two children to play together, their only question to each other will be, "What do we play?" and not "Are you a Muslim/Hindu/Jew/etc.?" like it would affect their opinion about the other child, (although any kid who does ask the second question that way instead of the first one, needs to be taken to a psychiatrist, immediately.)
I'm not trying to be Anti-Hinduism or disrespectful towards any religion, community or person, I'm trying to be Pro-Humanism and what I've been trying to say for the last God-knows-how-many lines is that maybe we need to stop looking at superficial things like race, creed, gender, religion, colour as things which define a person and focus instead on their sense of humor, compassion, hopes, dreams, intellect, ideas because these are the things that actually do define a person and at the end of the day, these are the things that actually matter.
Thank you for reading the whole thing.
Peace out. :)

On Self-harm.

Them.

Concealed.

Her kajal hid the dark circles that ringed her eyes;
And the rain concealed all the tears she cried.
-02/05/2016

On Self-destruction.

I lay on my bed, going over last night's conversation, probably for the hundredth time. His words echoed in my head. I checked my phone, he'd heard my message but hadn't responded. I considered texting him again but didn't. A lump formed in my throat and all the pieces he'd helped me put back started to fall apart once again. My lower lip quivered and my eyes started to get blurry. I switched off my phone and walked towards the bathroom. As soon as I was inside, and had locked the door, I clasped my hand over my mouth in a vain attempt to not cry. My hands shook as I took of my clothes and turned on the shower. Desperate tears fell out of my eyes as I remembered every single memory we had. From the very first 'Hi.' to the conversation we had last night. I suddenly realized that I was on the bathroom floor but I didn't even know when my legs gave out. "Why, why did you have to make me love you?" I cried, shaking all over. I leaned against the wall and pulled my legs close to myself and looked at my reflection in the blue plastic bucket filled with water. I put my face in the water and tried to breathe it in. But reflexes jolted me out of the water and forced me to cough up the water. "Give up." I ordered myself as I put my head in the water once again. But my body wouldn't comply and once again I was left on the bathroom floor coughing up water. "Let me die." I whispered to myself. "No." a voice in my head said. It was his voice. "Get out of my head." I said hoarsely, the exhaustion of it all making me feel dizzy. His voice adamantly repeated, "No. " "Why do you even care?" I thought. "After what you said last night, you might as well have shot me in the head, but at least that would be more humane." I shook my head and slowly stood up. The water from the shower ran down my bare skin. I walked towards the cabinet; a pale faced girl with bloodshot eyes and semi-wet hair looked back at me from the mirror. I ignored her and opened the cabinet, looking for something I hadn't used in quite some time. "Hello, old friend." I whispered as I took out a stainless steel razor blade. The light bounced off its metallic surface and made it shine. I raised the metal to my wrist and his voice begged, "Please. No." My hands shook as I tried to ignore it. "Don't die. Please. Don't die." his voice begged, louder. "I'm already dead." I whispered, and my heart gave a little squeeze. I looked at my wrist for a moment and then put the razor down. I looked down my chest, at my abdomen. The previous scars had faded and were almost gone. Then, I made the first cut. It was a small one and didn't hurt much. Then, I did it again, and again, and again till my entire abdomen was covered in cuts. It burned a little when the water from the shower came in contact with them, but the pain made it hurt less inside. The water washed away the tiny, ruby red drops from my abdomen and the skin near the cuts turned a pale shade of red. I turned off the shower and stood in front of the bathroom mirror. "Don't ever love anyone again." I whispered, brushing my fingertips against the raw wounds. I put on my clothes and looked at the mirror as I plastered a fake smile on my lips. Then I walked out the door like nothing had happened.

Dear Ex-Best Friend.

Hey. It's been a while since I last thought of you, but I an found old slam book entry by you today. I'd like to say that it didn't matter to me and I didn't care, but somehow, I realized that I missed you, for quite some time, honestly. You were my best friend, my go-to person for everything. I connected with you in ways that I couldn't (and still can't) with anyone else. I believed that you understood me but you never did, did you? I was just someone that you emotionally exploited to serve your own ends. I was young, foolish and didn't realize it at that time. I don't think I ever would have realized if you hadn't betrayed me all those years ago. The date may have faded from my memory, but the events never will. Honestly, you don't deserve a sentence from me, but I deserve to say what I've been holding in for all these years. You were a terrible friend. You lied and manipulated people as and when you felt like it. I guess you probably did that to me the most. And to think, I would have given my life to save yours. *laughs* I guess you probably did a lot of other things, but as I don't have definitive proof that you did those things, I won't mention any of it here. There was a time when I hated you, but I've come to realize that hatred is exhausting. You don't deserve my forgiveness, but I deserve to be at peace. I guess you were a lesson. A lesson that the people you love the most are the ones who'll hurt you the most. People think I have trust issues because of my first relationship, but that's just partly true. I don't trust people because every time I try to let my guard down, I'm instantly reminded of everything you did. And I just shut people out. Apart from a few very special people, I haven't allowed myself to get close to anyone. I guess I should thank you for what you did. Now, I have the basic sense to understand who I should let into my life and who I shouldn't. If I was like you, I'd hope that someday, someone would do to you, exactly what you did to me. But I'm not like you. And I don't wish that on you, or anyone for that matter of fact. I'm glad that you're not in my life anymore, I have better people in my life now. I have a best friend who actually considers me to be her best friend and isn't afraid to admit it in front of other people (unlike you). She and I may be two vastly different people, but she and I share something that you and I never did. And that is the utmost honesty and respect for each other. You held me back and didn't allow me to grow as a person.  Thank you for leaving, because if you hadn't, I probably would have missed out on being friends with the most amazing individuals ever. Also, like I said before, yeah, I missed you but that doesn't mean I want you back in my life ever again.
Thanks for nothing.
Goodbye.
PS. - If you're actually reading this then there's one more thing I'd like to say to you. It's, screw you. Screw you for all the lies and the fake promises. You never deserved to be my friend and I want you to know that you missed out on having someone who would never abandon you. You mean nothing to me anymore. Now, you may carry on with your mediocre life. Adios, stranger.

Those deleted messages.

"No reply. That's fine, I don't mind... You know what? No, it's not. It hurts,and it just sucks when you seem to find time for everyone except me. It's late, but I need to get this out of my system. It hurts like fuck when you don't reply to my messages. I don't know what sucks more, waiting an entire day for a reply and not getting it or the feeling of absolute and utter worthlessness that comes after it. I hate it. I hate everything about it. I know, I'm supposed to be all 'chill' and not care but for some stupid reason I do. I care, a lot. And it sucks. I wish I could just be numb and feel nothing at all, but then again, I guess that's not how feelings work. You don't have a button that you can simply press to shut off your feelings. Although that would be easier, and safer. That way, I wouldn't have to bother about you texting me back, I wouldn't have to risk getting hurt and I wouldn't have to risk being vulnerable. But in this case, I didn't have much of a choice, now did I? My heart simply gave itself to you and before I realized, every fibre of my very existence belonged to you. I'm yours, body and soul. You're the reason I learned how to smile again, yet ironically, you are the one who can hurt me most. I don't want to get hurt, but every time you ignore me, it feels like someone's stabbing me, over and over again, yet somehow, I'm still alive. I don't intend to feel this way, but it's sort of an involuntary reaction. I'm not an emotional person, in fact, I'm pretty much dead inside but you make me feel things. And I have no idea how to deal with feeling things. You mean more to me than you can ever imagine and I, myself can ever understand. I write poetry for you, dammit. Isn't that explanation enough? I get jealous sometimes and act crazy, but it's only because I love you so much and the thought of losing you terrifies me. You say I over-think and I over-assume but don't you understand? People have played with my feelings before and I've fallen for it, more times than I care to admit. They pretended to love me and then used me, emotionally and physically. I don't want that to happen to me again because I can't go through all the suffering, the humiliation, the self-loathing and the pain all over again. And if it came from you, a person that I actually love, I don't think I'd be able to survive this time. I care too much, I'm aware. Why else would I be typing such a huge message at 4.00 a.m? Why else would I stay up the whole night hoping that maybe you'd miss me and maybe you'd text? You're the only one for me and even though I'd never soberly or consciously admit it, but it hurts me to see you give more importance to other girls than me. Other girls who are prettier, thinner, have great hair and are in a much closer vicinity to you than I am. I force myself to think about how they are much more attractive than I am, and I remind myself that I am fat, ugly and probably good for nothing and that I should thank my stars that someone as amazing as you even spends a second to talk to me. And it is in those hours, when I'm being bullied by my relentless mind, I wish that you would just tell me that you're here for me, that you're not gonna leave me like all those other people and you're not gonna break my heart all over again. I love you, for everything that you were, everything that you are and everything that you will be. I think I'll just stop here. Goodnight, love."

She finished typing and read her message once. Silent tears fell out of her eyes as her thumb hovered over the send button for a moment but she pressed the delete button instead, and switched off her phone. After that, she cried quietly till the entire exhaustion of it slowly lulled her into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Demons.

Sparks. ✨

You.

His. ❤

Us.

Pieces

The Princess

Light and darkness.

"It'll be easy to love my light", she said.
He smiled, "What if I fell for your darkness instead?"

Words.

"I wish he would die." she said angrily.
Six months later, in dark alley,
"I take it back, I take it back." she wept, cradling his head in her lap as he bled out onto the cold, hard concrete.
He died trying to protect her from the mugger's bullet.

On Monsters

When we were little, we'd turn on the lights at night to protect ourselves from the monsters that hid in the dark.
When we grew up, we realized that the monsters were never actually hiding in the dark;
They were within us the whole time...
- 15/03/2016

Burn

Sarah stormed out of the building, it didn’t matter that was Jake was screaming her name. That was the last straw. That was the last time he was gonna hurt her. She found herself driving into the woods, far away from him. Jake was always afraid of the woods. He wouldn’t dare come here, she thought as she sat down on the smooth grey rock in the middle of the clearing, between the two willow trees. She hugged herself and began to cry, how could she have been so stupid? All Jake had ever done was hurt her, lied to her and cheated on her. What the hell was she thinking? She buried her face in her hands and screamed because it hurt so much. It was supposed to have been their day out, Jake had promised. “That jerk! How can I be so stupid?” she said, looking toward the sky and started sobbing uncontrollably. Jake Mallory. Talk about a devil with the face of an angel, tall, lithe and fair with hair dark as raven’s wings. Yeah, that was Jake. Witty, smart, gorgeous... Every girl wanted him and every guy wanted to be him. Jake had told her that he was gonna take her out to Julian’s. It was the restaurant where Jake had taken her to on their first date. Sarah hugged herself as she remembered that date; even though Jake was one of the most popular guys at school, it had taken Jake a month to muster up enough courage to ask her out. Seemed like yesterday; she had worn a pink summer dress and a fawn coloured jacket that day, and Jake had worn a white T-shirt, ripped jeans and a leather jacket. He had driven her home, walked her up to the doorway and kissed her. Sarah fingered her lips as she remembered her first kiss; she had been so scared but once Jake cupped her face into his hands, and gently pressed his lips onto hers, Sarah realized nothing had ever felt more natural to her than the tangy orangey taste of Jake’s mouth, his arms around her waist and her hands in his hair. The way her body seemed to fit into his so perfectly, and as they stood entangled on her porch, the world seemed to disappear around them, nothing seemed to matter anymore. In those fast fleeting moments she felt that they were one, she was him and he was her and the world no longer existed. When she finally let go, he had stood on the porch, his fingers entwined in hers, their foreheads touching till he looked her in the eyes and whispered, “Conceivably, I am quite unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you.” before gently kissing her on the forehead and finally leaving... But that was three years ago, when she had been sixteen years old then, and he had been seventeen. A lot had happened since then; high school had gotten to Jake, he had dated her, cheated on her, they'd broken up and the cycle continued. And then six months ago, her parents had died in a car crash. Since legally she was an adult, Social Services couldn’t transfer her to a foster home, and as for financial concerns, both of Sarah’s parents had been extremely successful lawyers and had left her quite a lot of money, and Sarah was working as an apprentice to Miss Waters, the local seamstress, to learn the basics of fashion designing and hoping to one day launch her own clothing line. But none of that mattered now, not her dreams, nothing... feeling depressed and broken she fumbled through her purse and finally found it. She wiped her tears and ran her thumb along the sharp edge of her razor. Maybe I should just do it, she thought as a thin stream of blood ran down her finger, then finally I’ll be free from this torture... She raised the razor to her left hand, and rubbed its flat side against her wrist, feeling the coldness of the blade against her skin. It had been quite some time since she had last cut herself... She raised the razor above her wrist but before she could do anything drastic, her phone buzzed. She picked up her phone and saw that Jake had texted her. “Baby, I am so sorry.” His text read. Sarah raised her eyebrow and replied "For what? Oh, yeah... For ditching me to spend time with that bimbo in your bedroom..." She sent the text and threw her phone away... The razor lay on the rock beside her, and as Sarah picked it up to end her life and ivy vine broke and suddenly fell at her feet. Sarah jumped up, dropping the razor. She looked up at the trees and frowned. Ivy was the sacred plant of Dionysus, Greek God of wine... Greek literature was her father's passion... She remembered him reading stories of Greek gods and goddesses when she was younger. Dionysus was son to Zeus and Semele, but Zeus' jealous wife, Hera, had tricked the pregnant Semele into forcing Zeus to reveal his true form and the sight was too brilliant for the mortal princess who was reduced to ashes almost instantly... but Zeus was able to save his unborn son by hiding him inside his thigh. Dionysus had survived, discovered wine and had taken his revenge on anyone who had disregarded him. He turned the pirates who wanted to sell him to slavery into dolphins and had the king who wouldn't accept his divinity torn to pieces by the king's own mother at one of his revels. All these things ran through her head as she picked up the ivy vine, the rich green of the leaves seemed quite ethereal, somehow. She gently placed the vine back where she picked it up from and found her phone. She knew what she had to do...                                    **
Jake paced around his bedroom, now in a state of panic. She wasn't picking up his calls nor had she replied to his last text. Jake cursed under his breath as he called her once again. How could he have been so reckless? He sat down on his bed and threw all the pillows towards the wall, and then ran his fingers through his hair. He lowered his head and saw Vanessa's bra lying at his feet. Red silk lined with black lace, it smelled of her perfume. She had come to him last night, begging him to take her. He should have just said no. But one simply doesn't say no to Vanessa Gold. Oh Vanessa, the thought of her angered and aroused him at the same time. Hair like spun gold, pale skin, deep green eyes and red pouty lips. He thought of the time they spent together in high school, when he had cheated on Sarah with her. It wasn't that Jake didn't love Sarah, he loved her more than she could even imagine but Vanessa was the one he wanted in his bed. That body... Her round hips, that tiny waist and the curves of her upper body drove every guy wild. And she wanted him... He couldn't just say no to her. When Sarah had walked in on them that morning, he just didn't know what to say... Her pale face remained expressionless apart from the tears running down her cheeks. Jake jumped out of bed hastily pulling on his denims and ran to her. She turned to leave but Jake had grabbed her hand, and then... She turned around and slapped him, his grip on her arm loosened for a second and she wernched free and ran out of there. He watched her drive off as he screamed her name. When he came back to his room, Vanessa was dressed. "It's always going to be her, isn't it?" she said with a sad smile. "Get out" he said hoarsely. Vanessa looked amused for a little while and then walked out. A sudden buzz of his phone interrupted his thoughts. It was a text from Sarah. Jake looked at the clock, it was almost 8 o'clock. "Open the door." her text read. Jake rushed to the door and on opening it, he found Sarah standing in the flowy black silk dress he had given her for her eighteenth birthday, with kohl lined eyes and red lipstick. Her raven black hair fell in curls around her pale shoulders. She looked so beautiful, Jake almost forgot how to breathe... "Can I come in?" she said. "Uh, duh... I mean, yes, please." it felt like Jake's tongue and brain suddenly refused to cooperate with him. Sarah smiled and pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear. She looked at Jake with those stormy grey eyes... "I realise why you did what you did. It's because we never... I never... You know..." Sarah shrugged. Jake opened his mouth to protest, but Sarah silenced him with a wave of her hand. "I'm ready." she said. "For... For what?" Jake stammered. Sarah smiled and looked towards his bedroom meaningfully. "Oh." Jake said. He was nervous but he hoped that she wouldn't see it. Sarah moved towards him, soon enough her lips inches from his. "But first you got to take me dancing." she grinned. "Yeah yeah... Of course." Jake said a little breathlessly. Half an hour later they were in the hottest and loudest club in town. And the way she moved, Jake had never even known that she could... They danced till they were out of breath and had to sit down. When the waitress brought them their drinks, Sarah put her arms around his neck. "This club is too loud... How about we go somewhere, quieter?" she whispered in his ear. Jake nodded and emptied his glass in one swallow. After that they walked out of the club and towards his car. "Can I drive?" She asked. "Sure baby, anything you want." Jake grinned. Sarah drove but didn't stop when they reached his house, instead she drove past... "Where are we going? " Jake mumbled suddenly feeling dizzy. "Shh, you didn't think I'd lie on those filthy sheets, now did you?" Sarah said, smiling. Eerily, her smile was more feral than friendly... And that was the last thing he remembered before he blacked out. When he regained consciousness, Jake saw trees. He was in the woods. A feeling of terror gripped him, and when he tried to run, he realised he couldn't move...                                     **
"Oh, so you're awake... Finally..." Sarah said, looking at Jake's barely covered body. She'd taken off all his clothes apart from his boxers. Jake was pretty heavy and tying him to the willow trees hadn't been as easy as she'd hoped. But still, it was worth the look of terror on his face. Such a beautiful face twisted with so much terror. She had tied one arm to each tree and she tied his feet together and it looked as though he was a doll being supported by the two trees. She took another swig from the bottle of vodka that she had been carrying in her car and put it down as she watched Jake struggle. "Sarah... What are you doing?" Jake slurred, the drug hadn't quite worn off as yet. "Let me tell you a story, king named Pentheus was the ruler of the city of Thebes in Greece, and one day a handsome young man named Dionysus came to his kingdom and claimed that he was the son of Zeus. Pentheus laughed at him and disrespected him, this angered the young god and he cursed the entire land to be inflicted woth drought until the king accepted his divinity. Dionysus was known throughout the land, not only because of his invention of wine but also for his wild revels in the woods. The people of Thebes secretly attended the revels, and one night the king was informed that his mother Agave, was also taking part in that night's revelry. Morbidly curious, Pentheus went into the woods and climbed up a tree to hide and watch what would unfold. The revels began with frenzied dancing, drinking and singing; Pentheus remained frozen with horror as he watched his intoxicated mother bare herself and dance around the fire burning in the middle of the clearing. He looked and and suddenly noticed Dionysus. The young god was looking at him, and in that moment Pentheus realised that he had known all along. Dionysus raised his cup toward him, drank deeply and threw the cup into the fire. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and cleared his throat. A sudden silence fell all over. "We seem to have a trespasser in our midst." he said walking towards the tree that Pentheus was hiding in, "Why don't we show him what we do trespassers?" he shook the tree and Pentheus fell into the clearing. "Lion!" screamed the frenzied Agave. "Mother..." whimpered the king. "The lion roars! Let us show him what we do creatures that threaten us!" she shouted and grabbed Pentheus by the neck. Shouts of approval came from all around and then..." Sarah fell silent. "Then?" asked Jake, his heart pounding in his chest. The cold air covered his bare skin with goosebumps. "Agave tore Pentheus to pieces with her bare hands. Her own son..." Sarah stood quietly for a while and then reached for a large can near his feet. She unscrewed the top of the can and started pouring the liquid all over him. It smelled like... gasoline. "What the hell are you do think you're doing?" screamed Jake. Sarah laughed. "Agave was a maenad, I'm not. I don't have the upper body strength to rip you to pieces." "Sarah, you're not in control of your senses. Let me go. You don't want to hurt me." Jake said, forcing himself to be calm. "Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" Sarah said, with that feral smile lingering on her lips. "You're crazy. HELP! HELP ME! SAVE ME!" Jake started to scream. Sarah began to laugh hysterically. Jake looked at her, puzzled but still shouting for help. "Scream all you want, I spiked the town water supply with some pretty strong... pharmaceuticals. Thank God the guard still has a thing for me... Everyone is going to be sleeping like a rock tonight... So I'm pretty much the only person who's going to hear you scream, so carry on." Sarah said. Jake fell silent and began to cry. "Please, Sarah, spare me, I'm so sorry... I have always loved you..." Jake begged, as she clicked on the lighter "I love you too, just not enough forgive you." she said and threw the lighter into the gasoline pooled at Jake's feet.  Jake screamed as the flames engulfed his body and Sarah picked up the half full bottle of vodka lying near her feet and took a swig before throwing the bottle into the inferno and the flames roared louder as the bottle broke and spilled its contents. Jake's screams along with the roaring flames were music to her. She slipped out of her clothes, and stood bare in the moonlight for a while and then began to dance around the flames that had all but reduced Jake to ashes. She danced for long, even after Jake's screams and the flames had died down. Suddenly she noticed the ivy vine that had fallen on her that afternoon. She smiled as she picked it up, tied it into a wreath and placed it on her head. Suddenly she heard a voice behind her speak. Sarah whirled around and saw a man wearing a leopard skin around his waist, standing with an ivy topped staff in his hand. The man was beautiful, in an angelic sort of way, his dark curly hair was an exquisite mess, his lips, a soft shade of pink, his skin was white as snow and his face had an indescribably ageless beauty to it. Sarah took a step back. "This is not possible." She whispered. As the man walked towards her, Sarah stood frozen. She looked into his hypnotic green eyes as he pulled her close and kissed her. His mouth tasted of vodka, or was it her? Electric surged through her body and not even Jake had made her feel the things she felt then. When he finally let go, Sarah noticed that everything seemed sharper and more beautiful to her eyes. There was music coming from everything around her, the trees, the dying embers, even the air seemed to play its own tune; the cold didn't seem to bother her anymore. The man held out his hand to her, and Sarah took it without a moment's hesitation. He smiled at her and soon enough, they walked into the trees and disappeared without a trace, forever...