Hey.
How've you been? The moon reminded me of you. It's been so long since I've heard your voice. All I remember is the mere echo of it. I could say things like, "maybe you don't care." or "I know I'm insignificant to you." but I know that would be mean and unfair. And contrary to popular belief, I despise being mean and unfair. It's just that, I'm hurting and I'm so tired. All the time. It's all these memories. Of us. Of the time when we were happy. They keep catching me off guard. And all I can do is sit through the constant replay of the happy times and try not to fall apart.
Do you remember that one time you called and we were talking about the colour blue? I told you that my mom made momos for dinner and you thought that the momos were blue. I laughed so hard. I remember that other time when we talking and suddenly your mom called you for coffee and I kind of went like, "Um, Happy Coffee!" and you went, "Don't." as I heard you try not to laugh. And there was that time when I had an emotional outburst and wrote a huge message to you about how I felt and how much it hurt when you ignored me and when you replied, I just went, "Well fuck. This is awkward." You called me up almost minutes after that and I kept feeling more and more like an idiot as you explained things to me. You calmed me down, made me laugh, and spoke to me for quite some time, even though you had other commitments. My favourite memory of us (one of them, actually. There are so many!) was that one time we were up late talking on call, and I remember I was staring at my feet as I asked you what you were doing and you said, "Well, I'm currently staring at my feet." I guess my eyes became big as saucers because we just happened to be doing the same thing at the same time. When I told you, I remember you saying, "I guess that's because we're soul mates." and we became really quiet for a few moments...
When I met you, I realized that I had been blind all this time and you, you showed me colour. As I got to know you, a little voice in my heart went, "There you are! I've been looking for you all this time." and over time, this voice became more and more insistent. Like I'd known you, not once but time and time again. I know, trying to be with you is probably the most ill-conceived, irrational, idiotic, stupid, dumb, crazy, insane thing I have ever done in my entire life but I'd rather watch everything burn to hell in your arms than be safe and sound in a world of what's rational and logical. You showed me colour and when you left, it was like being forced to be blind again. I don't want to be blind anymore. I can't be blind anymore...
Honestly, I miss the sound of your voice.
I miss your laugh.
I miss the way you could make me smile without even trying.
I miss you.
I'm tired of the games.
I just want you back.
But this time I won't send you long messages. I won't call you up in the middle of the night. Because I know you well enough to know that if you want to ignore me, you will. I can't keep breaking my heart over and over again. I love you. And I will continue to love you, unconditionally. Till my rational brain manages to convince this irrational little heart of mine that I don't want you anymore (yeah right, like that's gonna happen). And I also know that I won't ever fall in love again (or rather, I can't). Regardless, this is the last message I'm leaving for you. I won't write about you anymore. And even if I do, those writings will never see the light of day.
I love you.
And I am yours.
Till the last breath I take.
Take care, moon-man; don't forget to be happy. :)
Goodbye.
(and miss me maybe.)
