On Bullies And Haters.

We've all faced bullies or haters or both at some point in our lives, if you haven't, either you're incredibly lucky or you were homeschooled or you are one. In which case you'll have no idea what I'm talking about. Being bullied isn't a very pleasant experience. Ask anyone who's been bullied. 'Why the sudden post about bullying?', you must be wondering, if you're a frequent visitor to my page. Well, some people I know (or don't actually, as I've never spoken to one of them) have started this hate campaign against me. It's rather insignificant, much like them, but I don't like all this negative energy that's being continually thrown at me. I could just punch them in the face but why would I want to soil my knuckles with such filth?
I have my theories about why they hate me so much, but I'm not gonna make any statements without conclusive proof (unlike them). It's rather annoying, you know. I mean, it feels like you're being watched and bitched about every single second (and most probably that's what's actually happening). I marvel at the sheer joblessness of these people but also feel kinda flattered at the fact that they spend their breath talking about me. X'D
If you jerks are reading this, which you probably are, since you spend so much time hating me and obsessing over everything I do, I have something to say to you. Get a life, please? If you can't afford one, lemme know, I'll help you out. Cause, you know, I'm a decent person who has better things to do than judge people. Oh, and kindly stop attempting to convince my friends that I'm "bad". They know me better than you ever will. And yes, I might be "fat and weird" but I still have more talent in my pinky toe than all of you combined. Also, didn't your mothers tell you that it's rude to talk about someone behind their back? But then again, I guess it's fitting that you should talk about me behind my back, since that's where you guys belong - 'behind my back'.
How sad and pathetic you all must be. I actually feel sorry for you guys. I look at my best friends and feel so grateful. So, I guess I have you to thank for that. It's when I see you backstabbing, filthy, lying pieces of scum (woah, I just abused alphabetically XD), I have a deeper appreciation for my best friends. I bet there's a special place in in hell reserved for each one of you.
But still, I can understand your jealousy. To quote Meghan Trainor (who, BTW, is amazing <3), "If I was you, I'd wanna be me too." :*
My darling Haters, you may now crawl back into whatever hole you came out of. :)
Okay, bye. :*

The Un-sent Letter.

Hey,

It's been a while. How've you been? How are the applications coming along? I hope you're happy and safe. I miss the sound of your voice but I don't want to bother you. It's okay. I respect your decision. I don't like it one bit but I do respect it. Last couple of months have been hard on us... Sorry, you and me. I am well aware of how you feel (or used to feel) about me and I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for you to do what you did. Especially with me fighting you at each step.  *pauses a moment* I know, distance is a bitch. And I know that the chances of you and me being together aren't exactly astronomical. Or maybe you've just gotten sick of me. It's okay. They all do eventually. I'm fine, really. Well, I'm breathing, and my organs seem functional. Some days, I don't even think about you. Okay, that was a lie. Truth is, everything reminds me of you. I can't listen to love songs anymore, nor can I listen to Eminem. And the fact that your name is synonymous with an incredibly popular franchise doesn't help either. Sometimes when I'm talking to someone, they say something that reminds me of something you said, and the memories hit me like bullets, slowly ripping me up inside.

But hey, at least I didn't cry over you this time. *laughs*

I wish you'd taken the memories with you. The 3 am phone calls, the ridiculous conversations, talking about 'blue momos' and how pineapples suck as pizza toppings (like seriously, pineapples? What sane person does that?). I wish you'd taken all that with you, maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe then I wouldn't have to care or be this upset. I know you're probably not coming back, and maybe you probably don't even care. I wish you'd taught me how to do that. I wish you'd taught me how to just leave someone and pretend like they don't even exist anymore. Maybe then I could finally stop thinking about you.

Sometimes, I dream of you, and each time I wake up, I think of telling you about it, and then I remember. You've left me. And it tears me up inside all over again, every single time. Why did you make me love you if this was how it would end? You know what I've been through. Why would you do this to me? I don't understand. I know you, better than you know yourself, yet somehow, I cannot possibly understand your reasons. I read all our messages, and go over all our conversations over and over again, scrutinizing every single detail, asking myself where I went wrong. Why do I blame myself, you ask? Well, that's because I love you more than anything in this entire universe and I believe that you're never the one at fault, it's always me.

I will always love you, moon-man. Till the last breath leaves my body. But right now, I am giving up the idea that love exists. I am giving up feeling because there's this constant screaming in my head and all I can feel anymore is pain. I can't live like this, love. And you blocking me gave me a very clear message that you don't want me anymore (even though I do, I want you more than anything but I'm never soberly or consciously saying that out loud, again). So, I'm giving up my humanity to keep my sanity.

Regardless, I will always be there for you no matter what. I'll stick with you through thick and thin. When you need me, just let me know. I'll be there, even if it's 2 am or I'm dying. Because that's just how it is when you love someone as much as I love you. I want you to be happy. Even if I'm not the reason for your happiness. If you ever need me, I'm just a phone call or a message away.

I love you, moon-man. Always.

Goodbye (hopefully just for now),
Me.

"It's complicated."

I honestly don't know what's worse,
Loving someone you can't be with,
Or being with someone you can't love.

Oh Death.

Numb.