Empty.

Scrolling through your pictures, I choke back a sob,
I don't know why, but I just can't stop.
Why the hell does it hurt so much?
I haven't even seen your face or felt your touch.
But that doesn't stop the pain from ripping me up inside,
All I want to do is curl up and cry.
I put on a brave face and try to get through the day,
"Who gives a shit?" I fake a laugh and say.
Little do they know that it's killing me,
I hide it from everyone so skillfully.
My heart gives a little squeeze each time I hear your name,
What I wouldn't give, just to hear your voice again.
It's 2 a.m. now and I just can't sleep,
The wounds you left on my heart, they run so deep.
My fingers twitch to send you a text,
Old memories resurface and the tears come next.
You've left me alone with my heart in pieces,
The ease with which you said goodbye, left me shattered and speechless.
I've typed long messages to you, but didn't bother to send them,
Just the way you ended us, I decided to end them.
I'm staring at the moon with an empty heart,
You're gone and once again, I'm falling apart...
~Suchetana.

True love and chicken.

There's something really ridiculous that has recently come to my attention. Teenagers these days keep saying things like, "I'll die for you." while professing their love to the objects of affection.

I don't know what is so romantic about being dead but by that standard, chicken should be the truest love ever! Yeah sure, someone telling you that they'd die for you is cute and all (mostly creepy) but chicken actually died for you. A poor chicken actually sacrificed it's life, so that you could munch on a plate of crispy chicken wings (unless you're a vegetarian, in which case you have no idea what I'm talking about).

So for God's sake, stop equating love to dying for someone. It's not romantic, it's stupid. What's a person gonna do with a dead body? (I am not referring to the necrophiliacs here.)

I mean, seriously, stop being idiots and grow up.

Being cold and dead in a grave will not get you the person you're in love with. Writing long letters to them about how amazing they are, just might. ;)

Okay, bye.

What if?

"All those nights that you stayed awake, crying into your pillow because all you wanted was to be with them; did it ever occur to you,
What if they didn't want to be with you?
What if they'd found someone new?
What if they were never really in love with you?
What if none of it was real and it was all in your head?
You didn't. You know why?
Because you were so blinded by your love for them that you forgot something really important...
You matter too.
So, do everything that is humanly possible for you and then leave them be. If you were ever worth anything to them, they'll come back for you. If they don't, be happy in the knowledge that you tried your best."
-07/07/2016

To girls everywhere,

The purpose of our lives is not to please the boys we like.

Pretty faces.

A pretty face is worth nothing when all it does is conceal an ugly soul.
- 04/07/2016

You.

You smiled down at me as I opened my eyes. I'd been lying on the soft grass with my head in your lap. You stroked my hair and we began to talk. We talked about random and ordinary things, but somehow I sensed that both of us were holding something back. A certain tension hung in the air, and I knew why. You did too, I could see it on your face. That's when she walked in and started flirting with you. Somehow, it irritated me to no bounds. I grabbed you and pulled you to myself possessively and snapped at her, "Back off. He's mine."
The look on my face must have been terrifying because she turned pale and quickly ran away. I let go and turned to face you and saw you staring at me with an amused expression.
"Yours?" You asked me, with a cheeky grin playing on your lips.
"Uh. Um..." I stammered, as you moved in and wrapped your arms around me, pulling me close. All the tension had just melted away.
"Yours." You said, before leaning in.      
                                            **
I woke up and smiled. Then I remembered. You're still gone. I'm still alone. Still empty. Still waiting for you. Well, part of me is. The other part of me has turned into you, and it keeps on telling me to "grow up". Well, I don't want to...
You know what the worst part is? I'm starting to forget the sound of your voice. You're gone, and I know that I have to accept it but losing what I have left of you is terrifying. You made me human again, and losing you would mean losing what I have left of my humanity. I used to think that it wouldn't be so bad. I wouldn't have to feel anymore, I wouldn't have to care anymore. But my ability to feel makes me who I am, and if I lose that, then I lose myself. When I first started talking to you, I never imagined that you would mean so much to me. I thought that you'd be like all the other silly crushes I had. But something happened. I don't know what or when. Maybe it was the fact that I didn't have to correct your grammar every two sentences (I swear, bad grammar is such a turn off), or maybe it was your lame jokes, or maybe it was how you paid attention to everything I said, or maybe it was so easy for me to bare my soul to you without any fear of ridicule or maybe it was how you knew me better than I knew myself. I don't know. I just know that one morning I woke up and all I could think about was you. And since then, I was yours. Still am. Even though distance keeps us miles apart, not a day goes by when I don't think of how good it would feel to run my fingers through your hair, how good it would feel gaze into those beautiful dark eyes of yours and talk about random things, how good it would feel hug you and feel your heart beating against mine, and particularly about how good it would feel to pull your nose and cover your mouth with my hands when you annoy me. *laughs*
We're, sorry, you and I are stuck in a Schrodinger's cat paradox. The chances of us seeing each other is like the cat in the box and time and distance make up the vial of poison. If the vial breaks, the cat dies, if it doesn't, the cat lives but as long as the box isn't opened we don't know for sure. So as long as the box is closed, the cat is both dead and alive and you are both right and wrong, as am I. The only way to know is to know for sure. Which we don't.
All that aside, I know you've been hurt before. And I know that it's hard for you to trust me. I don't blame you. Even I wouldn't trust me. I'm not going to say that I won't ever leave you, because who knows, I could die tomorrow. But the fact remains that I love you more than anything else. I wish I could say that to you right now. But I'm scared. I keep a distance because I don't want to get hurt. And you have no idea how miserable that is. One part of me types long messages to you and the other part deletes them because it is well aware of how stubborn you can be. Oh yes, you're probably the most obstinate person I know, apart from myself. You know what, scratch that, you're even more stubborn than I am. And it annoys me that I can have my way with everyone, except you. You think you're so complicated but you're not, really. You have the purest soul among all the people I know and you hide that because you're well aware of how the world treats good people. Emotions often make you feel confused and awkward and you try to cover all that up with lame humour. You constantly push people away because it terrifies you when someone gets too close. You're a little strict about staying up late but it's only because you care. And that makes you my favourite person in the whole world.
How ironic it is. I love you so much, yet lack the courage to talk to you anymore. *sigh*
Maybe someday you'll miss me and text me first. Or maybe you won't cause you probably don't care anymore. Whatever. It hurts too much to think about you right now.
Anyway.
Good night.
I love you. Always.